Capitol Offenders is back on the scene!

It is springtime. The cherry blossom trees are in bloom. The weather is getting warmer and Capitol Offenders is back. Apologies for the hiatus, but it was necessary rest in order to revamp the site, revamp our look and gather our fashionable thoughts in this recessionary time. Good news, great clothes are now cheap, or at least cheaper. Springtime is here and the cruisewear that came out in December is on sale upwards of 75% off, so you KNOW that I am in a terrific mood.

First, let me bring you up to speed on a couple of events that I have attended or (hopefully, prayerfully) will be attending in the coming weeks. On March 18th, I had the pleasure of attending the fantastic District Sample Sale to benefit KidPower. Here’s a Capitol Offenders shout out to several of the most gracious hostesses I have ever met, these ladies did not look harried or worried, but just wonderfully fashionable. For those of you who have never been, the District Sample Sale happens twice a year and you can get up to 90% off of this season’s hottest looks. I snagged a couple of Ella Moss t-shirts and a pair of Seven for All Mankind jeans from Ginger (http://www.gingerstyle.com/), a DVF lemon yellow wrap dress, the cutest blouse by Madras 641 and an accessory or two from Lettie Gooch (http://www.lettiegooch.com/). This sale had everything a girl could want, from established labels and designers like Moschino Cheap and Chic to Nanette Lepore, to new labels like Toggery, Prophetik and Anni Kuan. All of this AND hors d’eouvres and cocktails. For more information on the sale and , please visit http://www.districtsamplesale.com/. Hope to see you there in the fall!

In July, there will be another monumental Christian Louboutin Sample Sale. At first, I thought that this was a legend, much like the unicorn. But, it exists…it’s real and you can get your favorite designer’s shoes for up to 50% off.

Now, for my faithful, here are my top picks for spring -
1. Brights are just the right thing - hot pink, tangerine, fuschia, purple, lemon yellow, orange, ruby red. Just be careful that you don’t make yourself look too much like a refugee from 1986 by wearing them all at the same time. In particular, invest in a bright trenchcoat in electric blue or hot pink (it will make your neutral clothing happy and make your black sheath dress seem all new). http://www.bluefly.com/MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-taxi-yellow-tie-front-grommet-rain-coat/cat620120/301485302/detail.fly

2. Anything blue - particularly teal, aqua, turquoise and navy. Check out Isaac Mizrahi’s new line for Liz Claiborne. It is classic and inspired, at the same time. I already copped the wide leg pants and let me tell you, they are TO DIE FOR (and just as an FYI, these come in Misses, Petites and Women’s sizes, so there is something there for EVERY WOMAN). http://www.lizclaiborne.com/Gingham-Taffeta-Belted-Dress/LCMUA659,default,pd.html?cgid=womensDresses

3. Black and white work well for day and night. The palette may seem a blasé, but it actually works because it is graphic. Plus, never forget that because it is BLACK AND WHITE, you can accessorize with whatever color shoes you want - teal, red, nude/tan, metallics, whatever. All three dresses can be found at http://www.net-a-porter.com/. Narciso Rodriguez http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/39902. Diane von Furstenberg http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/40488. TIBI http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/40180.

4. The maxi dress/city dress is STILL in. This year, it’s printed silk with Georgia O’Keefe florals or dramatic prints that are absolutely body conscious.
Check out http://www.asos.com/search/pgeSearch.aspx?q=maxi+dress for their wide selection of prints and primary color dresses.

I am defined by my red shoes…

I know readers, this is not what you expected to read today, but I was touched by a special memory and wanted to share a little something about myself today and why I am the way that I am (hehehe, if you can figure that out from this post, you are truly a gifted psychoanalyst). I got my first spanking behind a pair of beautiful red patent leather Mary Janes. It was a badge of honor, an early sign of my fortitude and most importantly, this skirmish set my style - RED SHOES MAKE AN OUTFIT!!! Red shoes are an attitude, they are a way of life and for some women, a sign of empowerment. You can wear just about anything and suddenly feel better when you slip your feet into a pair of red shoes. My favorite is a pair of red patent leather Stuart Weitzman’s. They are the definition of hot. I even have a special pair of Stuart Weitzman’s in red patent leather with gold stiletto heels, those are my wedding shoes. Oh yes…wedding shoes. Don't ask, my mom purchased them for me and then added the information that Stuart Weitzman's stores will apply crystals to the bottom of your shoes with yours and your prospective groom's monograms that the wedding date, but, I digress.

I cannot tell you when my love of red shoes began. Perhaps my love affair with red shoes began when I first saw Judy Garland as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz wearing those fabulous ruby red slippers, I do not know. But I can point to a defining incident in my history when I decided that every good day could begin with a great pair of red shoes. Mommy, I apologize in advance, but if you are reading this, you already know what story I am about to retell. As a child, I got a spanking for being a little fashion visionary in love with a particular pair or red patent leather Mary Janes. I was 2 or 3 years old and my mom had taken out a lovely little navy blue and white polka dotted Christian Dior frock. My mother had a vision in mind for what she wanted me to look like, a little doll dressed in all navy blue and white. She had taken out a navy blue coat, purse and shoes. While not a bad vision, it was just on the bland side in my mind. I needed to make a statement, and what statement does not begin with red shoes. I saw that blue polka dot dress thought to myself…this outfit needs RED!!! (Ok, yes, I am a Delta, I am the Crimson & Cream Diva and have a decided love for crimson, but I would love the color regardless of my Greek affiliation. Now, back to the story.)

My mom did not know she had an icon in the making, but when she left my room to go get something, I went to work. First, I snatched up the offending navy blue accessories and removed them from the bed. I went to my little closet and got out my favorite red patent leather Mary Janes, a little red purse and pulled down a little red wool coat that had a matching bonnet. (I keep emphasizing the word LITTLE because even as an adult, I am only 4’11,” so if I am considered diminutive now, at the age of 3, I was a daggone refugee from Lilliput. But, I digress.) And, did I mention that I had little red ruffled bloomers? Anyway, when she returned, I had on my bloomers, socks, shoes and was busy putting on my dress. My mom made her return and helped me put on my dress. After which, she got to work taking off my beautiful red patent leather Mary Janes, red and white ruffled socks and bloomers, found the navy and redressed me. However, she made a grave miscalculation, she left me alone to finish her toilette. Ha. I quickly divested myself of the OFFENSIVE and blah navy blue, put BACK on the red accessories and the red coat, buttoned it up and sat myself on the sofa, ready to go to church. Well, to keep a long story from being longer, she saw me, spanked me and removed my beloved red. In my mind, this was not the look of a fashion icon (Calvin Klein, please forgive me, I had not accepted minimalism, yet). I saw that I was about to become an offender and let loose a torrent of screaming, screeching and crying that would have awakened the dead. For those reading along…I did not cry during the spanking or when she took off the red, but I fell out, cut up and acted a plum fool when she tried to put me back in the navy blue. My grandparents heard the ruckus and saved me from what was about to be a VERY bad situation. I’m not talking about the spanking, I could have cared less about that, but my Granddaddy saved me from being bland and boring by telling my mom to let me wear the red shoes.

In the end, I looked cute. That navy blue polka dress was adorable, but those red patent leather shoes just did something “extra” to the outfit. I don’t know exactly...wait a minute, I’m lying, yes, I know exactly what those red shoes did - they took me and my outfit to another level. They transformed a bland look into something iconic - navy blue with touch of red. If you think that I’m lying, check out almost every look from Ralph Lauren (who I adore and if there was a way that I could travel back in time, I would snatch up one of those gorgeous white wool signature blazers with the gold, blue and red crest, grab some elephant leg navy trousers, a navy scarf that I could turn into an ascot and a pair of D’Orsey red patent leather shoes…oh let us pray that Heaven has a Ralph Lauren boutique). I may not have been the first 3 year old wearing it, but I wore it with panache and style and a sense of pride in that I fought for those red shoes and that day, I won. Since then, everytime I think of getting ready for a battle, I take out a pair of red pumps and feel a sense of victory coming on.

So today is the first day of fall...

And, I love the season's color scheme -- beautiful plums, vibrant purples, rich violets, coupled with tried and true black. Gone are the days of wild 80s-hued fuchsias, gaudy pinks and mind-numbing shades of yellow and orange. The fall calls for a more staid palette add to that the fact that plaids are making an extraordinary comeback and you have a season where anyone can look great. Well, almost anyone and here comes my rant.

Why is it that certain people see things that everyone else knows good and daggone well do not go together UNDER any circumstances and throw it on? I know that it is not because they do not care, therefore, I am writing this rant under the assumption that they just do not know any better. For instance, this morning, I parked my car in my regular parking garage and expected to see my regular sights on the way to the office. However, today was anything other than ordinary. I saw two women walking together and they were a sight that would make any fashionistas eyes water. Heck, I heard old blind Lazarus from the Old Testament hollering about how their tackiness made him want to lose his sight again.

Anyway, the shorter of these two women had on a blue and black plaid wool jacket (which on its own was cute with its asymmetrical lines), some hot pink biker shorts, red slide-ons, with striped socks and a multi-hued flowered top (that had the nerve not to have a SINGLE SPOT of pink in it, the shades it sported were brown, cocoa, cinnamon, cream). Her friend had on a Washington, DC baseball cap, yellow capris that turned up at the bottom to reveal some sort of patterned cuff, some type of paisley tank top, black hi-heeled wedges and a fake Louis Vuitton scarf. Each outfit was replete with a large bag and one actually had on a black fanny pack in addition to the oversized purses. In all honesty, I could not tell you a daggone thing about those purses except that they seemed big. I was so focused on what they were wearing that I just could not get it together...it was akin to visual stimuli overload. My eyes began to water and my mouth became dry. I was saddened and a little lost. I could not understand why someone would commit so many fashion sins in a single day, in a single outfit.

In the end, all I could do was channel Florida Evans from Good Times in that episode where her husband James died, and say "DAYUM, DAYUM, DAYUM!!!!"

Natual does not equal a natural disaster

So this morning, I saw something that gave me pause. There was this sister dressed to the nines, or at least she thought she was, with her knock off Chanel boucle jacket, pencil skirt with the seam stretched past endurance and pumps (which would not be complete without the taps of her shoes in desperate need of repair) that had seen better days. With all of this going wrong, none of this was worse that what sat upon her head -- A NO-FRO!!!

For those who aren't in the know, a no-fro is a purported descendant of the much lauded and praised Afro. Beginning in the late 60s, the Afro, or natural, was a sign of pride, of dignity and most importantly, acceptance of your hair's natural texture. Afros were well-groomed and well-trimmed. And, even though the hair's texture could be anything - nappy, curly, kinky or any other texture or combination of textures that the wearer's hair could muster, the most important facet of a "tight 'fro" was that it was neat and created a gentle halo around the wearer's head. However, the no-fro is quite the opposite. It is unkempt, disarrayed and wild. Hair grows all down the wearer's neck and looks like it has not been combed in days.

I do not understand the fascination with unkempt hair, but I will tell you what I understand, I understand that it is getting on everyone's daggone nerves. I am going to add some examples so that everyone understands the issue. It is one of grave importance and one that should be addressed as quickly as we address the economy...

Why......WHY?!?

I love this time of year. The Fall...when the leaves turn, and it's not too cold, but not too hot. As we transition ourselves, and our wardrobes, there are those that just need....help.

Why?

WHY are people already wearing KNEE BOOTS in September on a day it's going to be 78 degrees??

WHYYYY?!

I know we're all buying them now...getting ready *peeking down the hall for my Zappos order* but WHY are they on your feet, WITH, may I add, a pair of TIGHTS?! I thought everyone transitioned gently....from sandals, to peep toes, to pumps with no stockings, to booties and boots? No? Is that wishful thinking?!

Anna Wintour I am not (and if you don't know who that is, close this gosh darn window, immediately!), but dadblame it, I have a smidge of fashion sense. So let me break down what I do...because, each one, teach one, right?!

Summer...it's obvious. Get your pedicures, and rock your sandals. But please, get YOUR size so there is no hangover on the front or the back. Men, the mandal...I just...can't....not in this post. *gag* From Summer into Fall, start transitioning to peep toes and slingbacks. As it gets cooler, go from those to pumps (toes IN when it hits 60 daggone degrees, PLEASE!) with no hosiery. From there, on to your booties and boots, with the appropriate hosiery. When it begins to get warmer in the Spring...do it the opposite way.

See?? Nice and simple! So, to the young lady I saw this morning that caused this post (and hey, the entire blog to appear), thanks....I think?! Bless your heart...I know your little legs were just sweating when we hit our high temp today, huh? Better luck next time!

What is wrong with some people?

It's that time of year again. People do wrong all year, however, it is during the changing of seasons when we see the worst offenses. I know there are some fashionistas who say "fine, go ahead and wear bright, summer white all year long," but, here we say "what's wrong with you, put up that daggone white linen skirt, it's after Labor Day for goodness sake!"

The centerpiece of our new effort will be to target offenders in and around Washington, DC. It saddens us that so many of those that share our community with us would so egregiously ignore good taste and common sense, but it truly gives us something to laugh and blog about. So it begins...